How to Become Consciously Motivated
For this new, intriguing episode of The Motivational Intelligence Podcast, President and CEO of 2logical, Joe Gianni, is interviewed by Justin Francisco, host of the podcast titled Mindful Impact. They dive into several fascinating topics, such as motivation, setting goals and being the best you can be every single day, year and month. “Every year, scientists create these telescopes and they look out into space. One of the biggest things that they realize, no matter how powerful they make these telescopes, they realize one simple thing. There’s more space. The same is true with the progressive realization of becoming the best that we can be. In other words, we become the best that we can be, but in that journey, you realize there is no end,” says Joe.
Justin and Joe also discuss the importance of observing and asking people questions who seem to be experts in what they do- whether that is consistently working out, or being a better spouse, friend or parent. Joe also explains why having individual development plans are so important when sticking with yearly, monthly or daily goal- based on beliefs, not strategy or action: “Every year, if companies are well-run, they develop IDPs with their employees, but 98- 99% of the IDP is skill based, process based, strategy based or action based as opposed to belief based, and yet the things that stop people from executing is when they don’t have the right beliefs,” he says. Interested in hearing more? Check out our newest episode: How to Become Consciously Motivated and let us know what you think. Follow us on social media, too!
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How to Become Consciously Motivated – Featuring Justin Francisco & Joe Gianni
Justin Francisco: Joe, first off, thank you again so much. Actually, I’m at your place today recording this. For the first time, I’m at somebody else’s home court recording a podcast. So, thank you, Joe. I appreciate you having me here.
Joe Gianni: You’re welcome, Justin. I’ve been looking forward to seeing you and spending some time together.
Justin Francisco: [00:00:20] Thank you. So, the question I want to start off with to get this thing rolling is, I’m curious to know, and for people listening, I’ve been in the office here for an hour or so now. We’ve been just chatting about different topics, different subjects, but I want to know, what really like sets you off in the morning, in a good way? What makes your heart sing when you wake up today in your life? What is it that gets you super happy and ready to go?
Joe Gianni: That’s excellent. Well, I established a self-talk to myself when I was a very, very young man. It starts when I shave in the morning, and particularly when I get in the car and I’m driving and it’s a simple question.
I say, “Joe, what is it that you’re so fired up about, that you’re so absolutely over the top about that’s going to emotionally move you to be the best Joe Gianni you can be today?” If I can’t answer that question when I’m halfway to work, I just turn around and go home. In other words, we have to have a passion and a purpose for what it is that we’re going to do every day.
Otherwise, we’re going to just be one of the millions, millions of people that are just part of a pack. I don’t live life with being part of a pack in any aspect of life. But it all starts, that was a great question, it all starts with, what do I think about every morning? I think about, “what is it today that I’m going to accomplish? What is it today that I’m going to do that’s going to really emotionally move me to put it out there and push myself to be the best that I can be?” That question is not just about the work day, it’s about all aspects of the day.
So, it’s about going to work, it’s about maybe meeting some friends at the end of the day, or it’s about doing a hobby or coming home and spending time with the family.
Justin Francisco: That’s really good, that’s interesting. So, when you do that, is that something you think about the night before a little bit? Or do you just kind of put your head on the pillow and then in the morning and you’ll decide?
Joe Gianni: Well, again, being highly schooled and trained, obviously I always spend time thinking about what I’m going to do the next day. It enables you to sleep better. Anybody out there listening, if you want to have a better night’s sleep, take the time to really think about what you’re going to be doing tomorrow in terms of tasks.
But, this is a little bigger. This is a little bit bigger thinking. What I mean by that is, what is going to emotionally move me to be the best I can sits on top of a backdrop. That backdrop is a vision of the life that I want to build, which is organized at the beginning of every year, year in and year out. It has been for decades.
Justin Francisco: A yearly vision of where you want to be that year, goals, those kinds of things?
Joe Gianni: You’re correct. As you and I have chatted about before, every year, every day for that matter, we all have the opportunity. We will have the ability to recreate ourselves and recreate ourselves to be a bigger, better self.
Most people don’t know that they just need to give themselves permission to do that and be that. They just need to sit back and really, truly think about who they are, who they’ve become, what it’s served them in terms of their life, every aspect of their life, professionally, personally, relationships, business relationships, family relationships.
Then, recognize they have an opportunity through the process of goal setting to really reestablish what it is that they want to do this year. Who do I want to be as a father? Who do I want to be as a leader of a company? Who do I want to be as a consultant to the massive companies that we deal with every year?
Who do I want to be to my coworkers, every single day? Every year we have the opportunity to reinvent ourselves, but we’re not taught that in K through 12. We’re not taught that most of the time in our family upbringings. We’re not taught that in higher education, but yet that’s really the opportunity that we all have every year.
So, when you asked me what do I ask myself or what do I say, I gave him my opening statement, but it completely sits on a backdrop of a lot of thought each time for the year.
Justin Francisco: [00:04:34] I love that. What comes to mind is like instead of just constantly focusing on how much I want to make or how many employees I want to have or what I want to buy or what I want to do or what vacation I want to go on, you’re talking about emotionally and your presence of “How am I going to show up for my wife this year? How am I going to show up for my kids, that’s different than last year?” It really is kind of a breath of fresh air to hear something like that because when you say giving permission, I totally can resonate with that because I’ve had to give myself permission to change and be a better person than I was the year before. I love that you said that that’s okay to realize that we’re always improving. We always can. You used the word rebirth earlier, which I really liked that word. That was really cool. Before we got on here.
Joe Gianni: You know, Justin, every year, scientists create these telescopes and they look out into space. One of the biggest things that they realize, no matter how powerful they make these telescopes, they realize one simple thing. There’s more space. The same is true with the progressive realization of becoming the best that we can be. In other words, we become the best that we can be, but in that journey, you realize there is no end.
So, that’s why every year we have the opportunity to become better this year than we were the year before and then actually do something about it. That’s the first main thing to keep in mind. We don’t become better for the new year by just wishing it, we become better by being eclectic, by actually sitting back and really thinking about not just one aspect of life, but all aspects of life.
I’ve coached and through my career journey have had the honor and the distinct pleasure of coaching lots of people. So much of coaching them is in the professional side of their life, their careers. But every time I’ve helped people to explode their companies explode, their career track, it’s been because I’ve helped them to explode their life. That’s a big difference. Exploding a life means helping people to get eclectic, to use their power to become great, not just at work, not just in terms of earning income, but in terms of every role that they have in life. Everything that they’re going to do.
So, if they’re a father, to work and use principles to become the best at being a father this year, better than they were last year. If they’re a mother, to be a better mother this year than they were last year. They want to make more money, great. Become a better professional, provide more service to their clients this year than they did last year.
It’s universal, but how many times you and I meet people that they got it really going on in one aspect of life. One area of life. You’d be afraid to compete with them, but the rest of their life is just a pile of you know what. There’s reasons for that.
There’s a cause and effect functionality of that and 99% of the time when I meet people like that, it’s not that they want their life to be that, it’s that they’ve not been helped to see that the same principles that enabled them to overcome, to persevere, to fight their demons and win every day in their careers is the same application they need to put into their personal life in the other roles of their life. If they do that, they will eventually create what I call a round circle of life. That’s what makes them unstoppable. That’s what makes people build a powerful, exuberant life, which is the language of the soul everybody wants.
Justin Francisco: That makes total sense. The one thing that comes to mind is if I’m approaching somebody like that, or if I’m putting myself in the shoes of somebody like that, my number one excuse would be, I don’t have time to also perfect that part of my life. Does that make sense? How does somebody use that practicality in life to go about that?
Joe Gianni: [00:08:41] Again, I know, I’m sure your listeners, like the folks throughout the world that my company trains, that’s a very common thing. I mean, how do I do that? Well, first off, the truth of matter is that you have to get organized and goal directed and put things into a priority. We don’t become the most we can be in all aspects of life, all at one single sitting or one time. It happens, first off, to understand that we have the opportunity to do that, two, to understand what the steps are, the tools, that will enable me, you or me, or you or I to do that?
Then the third thing is to recognize that we have to put more energy into certain aspects of life, in certain areas of life maybe, than other areas. But every time when we realize that we’re doing it for the whole circle, every time we put that energy in, the more applicable we’re going to be able to do it in other areas of life.
For example, if somebody comes to me and they’re struggling with their career and it’s now caused marital issues, its caused problems with their financial, et cetera, et cetera. As much as I would love to coach them on the holistic, and I do, I set the stage, that backdrop, I’m talking about of what life can be, but then my energy with them and my energy in guiding them to put their energy is to fix what’s causing the beginning of the chain reaction.
If it’s dire enough. Do you see what I’m trying to say? So, there are things that have to take a priority and a precedent. But, over time when a person is literally living a life through goal direction and they’re looking to strive every year to be better this year than they were last year and they’re setting goals in every area of life, it gets easier and easier and easier and easier and easier because it’s the underlining principles that they’re applying in every aspect of their life that enables them to reach their full potential in that aspect of life.
Justin Francisco: That makes total sense. I did your two day Motivational Intelligence training here recently and now having the honor of sitting down here with the owner, Joe, who has created that, I remember it all starts with our beliefs, right? Our beliefs. Can you talk about more on that process for the audience here today? Before we came on, I was talking about values and beliefs and Joe was explaining how they kind of go hand in hand. It was really interesting and I almost want him to not repeat what he said, but go into that even a little more in depth about how important that is because you just mentioned we have to figure out ourselves in the beginning stages, why are we this way? It all starts with our beliefs, right? Can you elaborate on that a little bit more?
Joe Gianni: [00:11:40] Well, let me take a dabble at it. You know, I think that in the realm of what we today in the corporate development world call Motivational Intelligence, it’s bringing people to an understanding quickly that each and every one of us is who we are and where we are attracting a certain level of results in our life, every aspect of our lives, not based on a randomness, not based on chance, but based upon who we’ve become. In other words, what we believe about ourselves, what we believe we’re capable of, what we believe we’re worthy of, virtually all of us are in a level of results in life based upon the prior programming that we’ve had up until this point in time in our lives. Most people don’t really understand that. Again, as I said, it’s not taught in most families from this perspective. It’s not taught in K through 12. It’s not taught in higher education, but yet, the biggest thing that sets people free in life is when they have the right set of beliefs about themselves, about their life, about their potential, about their abilities to take control and build their life. The thing that stops people is when they don’t understand that. So, the reason why it’s so important to take people to that level very quickly in coaching them or teaching them or training them is because if you don’t, no matter how much strategy you give, no matter how much process you’ve given them and how much technique you give them, they either won’t master the technique or the process, or even more so they just won’t execute on it consistently every single day.
As a trainer, as a coach, as folks like us who are really committed to helping people, you can’t really help them if you start at what I would call, and I don’t mean this in a condescending or a negative way, but at a superficial level. It has to be in helping people to really understand, what do they think about themselves, say as a salesperson, what do they think of themselves as a service person, if that’s their role?
What do they think or believe about themselves as a father? What do they think or believe about themselves as a mother? What do they really, truly think and believe of themselves as a friend? So, you see what I’m getting at? When you help people early in the journey to get them to start to realize that there is a much more substantial level that needs to be studied and looked at, not judged. Just simply looked at that. You really open people up to really take in full control of their future. They know it, they see it the minute you start talking to them like that. That’s what I’m sure you sense every time we talk.
Justin Francisco: I love talking to you. You know what’s really cool about talking to you?
Joe Gianni: It’s because you’re crazy, too.
Justin Francisco: I like when we can put in a couple of jokes when its a serious conversation, because it’s really hard to actually do that sometimes. It’s cool because I think one of the things that as we go through a process of improving ourselves, we almost start to feel entitlement and like we’re better than the next person because we’re becoming better and they’re not, or they’re not becoming better as fast.
For somebody that’s been doing this for 30 plus years, right? I mean, you obviously know what you’re talking about, you could easily come from a hierarchal standpoint and talk as like, bigger to little. Is that right?
Joe Gianni: Big person, bigger person.
Justin Francisco: How about I ask you, what’s the wrong way to come across?
Joe Gianni: Big person, little person.
Justin Francisco: You can totally tell that you oblige by that. You live that big person, bigger because I feel comfortable. I feel like you know a ton and you’ve done a lot, but you don’t talk to me as if I’m stupid, which a lot of people can come across that way when they believe that about themselves. Right? So I wanted to say that that’s really like impressive. I think that a lot of people could learn from that, including myself. I’m really glad I took that class because it helps me realize how I do talk to people or how I come across. That was really good. So, that lost my train of thought of the question.
Joe Gianni: You’re asking the question, how do you do it that way or how do you see it that way?
Justin Francisco: Yeah, how do you think that way?
Joe Gianni: [00:16:26] Again, I think it’s a very powerful question and an important question. The reason why I think that way is for a couple of reasons. One is because I’m paying it forward. In other words, I had phenomenal parents that didn’t talk down to what I wasn’t, but always talked about who I was or who I was becoming.
They didn’t use those words because they weren’t professional trainers. But no if, ands, or buts, that’s that. I had a circle of close friends, same exact thing. We were a close knit group, really starting in a neighborhood in Long Island, New York. It was not what you weren’t, it was always about who you were and what your dreams were and who you were going to become.
Right out of college I had a phenomenal mentor that taught me salesmanship at an extreme level, but he taught me life at an extreme level. To this day he is still my mentor. So, because of those experiences, it created an internal belief system that causes me to not look at people as to who they’re not, but to always look at people at who they are and who they have the ability to become.
The more time I spend with people, the more they share with me who they want to become, the more I get into that with them. So, it’s never through the eyes of what people aren’t or judgment. It’s always through the eyes of, that’s awesome, who this person is. I wonder if they’re dreaming about being something more next year?
I wonder if they’d like to have do and become more in their life in the future, or are they done? So, I think it’s a lot of that. I hearken back to another thing, and it’s directly related, a little bit off the beaten path for a second. But, I remember being a child growing up and my mother was an amazing woman, and she had just an enormous life insight.
One of the things was, I remember I came home one day and I was upset about one of the kids at school. My mother looked at me and she said, “Well, you know, son, it’s going to be easy in life to love the lovable people that you meet through your lifetime. But the real test of your character and the real test of the man that one day you’ll become, will be your ability to love the people who are not lovable.” I never forgot that. I was told that when I was a very young kid, I was probably ten years old, but I really understood it. I was in an environment where my family lived that way. There was no judgment of, one neighbor who didn’t have the money to mow their lawn versus the other neighbor that had it pristine. They just was none of that. So, it built in me, when I step back and look at it from a different lens. When you and I meet people and you’ve lived enough life experience, you’ll meet people. The more your eyes are calibrated, the way I’m talking about, you instantaneously can see from what perspective, what lens they’re looking at you in. You can see what lens and what perspective are they looking at other people in, in a group setting even? It doesn’t mean when you and I develop that lens that we’re better than the person that doesn’t have that lens. There’s just difference in effectiveness.
Justin Francisco: Effectiveness is a good word. That’s great. You talked about, what came to mind when you were talking about all this is looking at, I’m big on working on being the best husband that I can honestly be. So you were saying all aspects of life, but being the best husband, being the best father, that’s kind of taken precedent over this year. Previously, to give a little background here, I always wanted to be the best businessman I could be. I wanted to be the best at earning money that I could be. It’s kind of taken a back seat this year and where I’m finding my balance now is being the best husband, the best father, being the best friend is something new that I’m working on and now also being the best in my career, what I want to do and my path.
So, finding that balance is cool and I’m glad you talked about that, but when it comes to being a great husband, you were talking about seeing the good stuff about somebody and not focusing on the things they aren’t doing. That was really cool when you said that because I immediately applied that to my relationship. So, you probably do that with your wife and when you come from that lens and that point of view, I think there’s a lot less suffering. There’s a lot less to argue about. It’s really cool, if you can put yourself in that place more often than not. So, I’m really glad you mentioned that. That was a good tool.
Joe Gianni: For sure. I think that your listeners and I’m sure there’s many, many, many things that, again, you have totally in common with them and they have in common with you. Some of them, their focus is to grow their business this year.
Some of them is to grow their business, but also to work on their wheel, so to speak. They want to become a stronger spouse. They want to become a better father. The formula, if you will, is really the same. What you followed, what you’ve shared with me about getting around people that had extreme knowledge and really truly befriending them and getting them to share that knowledge, was really a big part of your strategy in terms of excelling your career. But the same is true in our lives, in all aspects of our lives, our personal lives. So, for example, if you and I want to become a better father, then we want to begin to surround ourselves with people we have befriended over the years that you never maybe even thought much about, but they have great kids and they’re really great fathers and you can do the same thing with them that you and I do with business. You can go and say, “Hey, I want to buy you a beer and I just want to talk about parenting.” Especially if you know someone and you’ve never asked that question before, they’ll think “What? Are you okay? You feeling all right?” But it is the same exact principles. In other words, in order for us to begin to get a vision of the next person, we want to be the next level of person that you and I want to become the quickest way, just like in business, is to get around people who are at levels that you and I aspire to be at. Then, having the wherewithal to just break it down, unpack it. Most people don’t really even understand what the hell they’re unpacking. But you can unpack anything, especially outside of business.
So, you and I see some of that there. They’re just phenomenal friendships. If you become a student of people and you say “I want to become a better friend.” Well, you can just look at people who, everywhere they go, you can tell there’s a difference.
There’s a meaningful relationship and friendship there. When you see those people, if that’s on your backdrop list of who you want to become better at this year, you and I now know to pay attention and say, “Hey, can I buy you lunch?” Most people will stop for a lunch, right?
Then, and you can even share with them why, say “Hey, I’m really working on this year and one of my big goals is to become better as a friend.” Then just have conversations with them about that, because what you’ll see is anytime you and I see someone that’s in a place in life, a station in life that you and I aspire to be at, they’re not there randomly. They’re there just the way I said a few minutes ago, which is every single person you and I meet is who they are and where they are and attracting a certain level of result in their life, not based on randomness, but based upon who they’ve become and who they become is a collection of their beliefs in that aspect of life. Those beliefs is what causes them to act and behave a certain way and that certain way causes them to consistently yield a key result, a result that you and I are after.
Justin Francisco: Is it as simple as saying to somebody, because that requires a little bit of vulnerability, it requires a little bit of putting the ego at the door and allowing yourself to ask for help. I’m going to ask this question in a second because I want to go back to what we said way earlier about goal setting in the beginning of the year.
What you were saying is probably the reason why the gym is filled up for all of January, and then the parking lot shrinks back down to its normal size in February because a lot of people are focusing on just those goals without first figuring out their why and themselves and unpacking that. So, maybe a new goal for people should be, get with somebody that could help me unpack my shit and figure out who I am and why I am doing the things that I’m doing. It sounds like that should be more people’s goals. Right.
Joe Gianni: [00:25:53] More of their focus in their goal setting their goals. That’s exactly right. So, even in helping people in their professional life go back, we’ll toggle back and forth, therein lies the demarcation or the unanimous differential of 2logical and what we’ve been doing for 30 years in major companies across the industry.
In the formal corporate training world, they call them IDPs, individual development plans. Every year, if companies are well-run, they develop IDPs with their employees, but 98- 99% of the IDP is skill based, process based, strategy based or action based as opposed to belief based, and yet the things that stop people from executing is when they don’t have the right beliefs.
So, you are exactly right. The unpacking of the process or the skill, this is the mechanics for this skill, the same unpacking needs to happen in terms of what people believe and are thinking about themselves and about that aspect of life. There’s a whole Pandora’s Box we could open up in that, but you are correct. That’s where the real key to becoming a powerful goal-setter and the ability to not only in our own lives get results, but to help other people get results, is to really help them to unpack that part of their goal setting, if you will, every year.
Justin Francisco: As you say that, that’s probably the reason why…
Joe Gianni: People join a club.
Justin Francisco: People join a club, but like so personally, the motivation has always helped me, but motivation can only take us so far because it creates like almost a roller coaster I’ve experienced of ups and downs. I’ll stick with something and I’ll go down because you can only hold onto motivation for so long. So, that’s why that’s so cool that you said that. Yet we’re talking about that’s what’s going to keep us on that scale.
Joe Gianni: Most people are unconsciously motivated.
Justin Francisco: Unconsciously motivated.
Joe Gianni: [00:27:55] People who develop Motivational Intelligence become consciously motivated. What I mean by that is that they understand why they’re moving the way they’re moving, and they now understand if they’re not moving the way they want to move, they can’t just try to change a reaction or change their behavior. They have to change what they’ve come to think about that behavior or that aspect of their life.
When you and I move to that, you start having conversations with people around it. You start helping them to unpack the way they think about certain things. Now they have the ability to begin to move from being unconscious to being conscious, and that’s what creates intelligence. The word motivation is the impetus to do or not do, right?
But intelligence has to do with application. It’s about not just understanding, I do or I don’t do, although most people don’t even realize that, but they don’t have the ability to analyze it. They don’t have the ability to really look at that and then know what to do about it. How do I change that? How do I, this year, join a club, a health club, and want to start to exercise and actually follow through on that? Some people, they join a club and they follow through on it. But the reason is not because they’re better or not better than you and I, they have a different belief system about it.
People who are struggling with it, they have a different belief about it. When you talk to people who really, truly are committed to working out and exercising and you just have a conversation and you and I train our minds eye, to not just say, “What do you do? How do you work out every day?”
Which is where most of the conversation is. It’s more of, “We all have busy lives. I’m just curious, how do you get yourself to the club every day?” What you’ll start to hear when you talk to people like that is they say, “Well, working out is the most important thing that I do every day. If I can’t take good care of myself, I can’t take good care of other people in my life.” They’ll say things like that to you. But that means that they have a different belief about working out and taking care of themselves. They’ll say things like, “Working out is the fountain of youth. They’ll say things like, “My body is a sanctuary.” There’s all different things that they believe that causes them to really, truly stay with that.
Justin Francisco: I don’t know if this guy was serious, but it’s so funny you say that. I unconsciously ask these questions, but I guess I’m consciously asking them because I’m curious. I’ll be at the gym. I’m at a local club here, Midtown, and I’ll ask people that come in early, like 6:00 AM the days that I go there. I’m like, “What motivates you? What are the reasons that you come here this early? How do you do it? What is it that makes you get out of bed?” I’ve asked probably five or six people that question and one guy was really funny. He goes, “I do it so that I can eat pasta every day.”
Joe Gianni: Absolutely
Justin Francisco: He was explaining, he was like “I enjoy food and I know that I can eat a little bit better if I can stay in my workout and stay healthier.”
So, that was cool and that’s good stuff. It’s funny because everybody has to find their own beliefs, their own reasons, their own why. That’s really cool and you said a bunch of them there.
Joe Gianni: [00:31:21] When you and I look at people that are getting a result that we want, their why is different than our why. If we’re not getting the result, you’ll find a commonality. Just like you’ll find a commonality in process, you’ll find a commonality in the why. They might articulate it. One guy might say, “Well, because I really love pasta and I want to be able to do it.”
You could talk to someone else and say, “I really love bread and that’s why I work out.” You know what I mean? You’ll see commonalities that exists. When I used to run training classes, throughout the years, back when I would do that on a regular basis, I would hope people understand that all success, when you and I see someone getting a result we want, it’s not because they’re better than us. It’s just that they have a different process, they have a different thing that they follow through on every single day. If you and I want to get better physical fitness, you go read two or three books on physical fitness.
By the time you get to the second, third book, you realize they will say the same thing, right? We should exercise a minimum of an hour a day or a good 30, 45 minutes, everybody has their own little spin to. It should be aerobic exercises.
You should eat a lot of protein and stay away from carbs. You should drink, this is a tough one, 5, 6, 7, 8 glasses of water every day, right? So, there’s a cause and effect that you see in people when you start studying health. Same thing with personal finances, a lot of listeners want to really, truly improve their personal finances. Well, if you go and read two or three books on personal finances, by the time you get to the second, third book, you realize they all say the same thing. If they’re really written by people who’ve really actually gotten the result, they all say the same thing.
If you want to get better at personal relationships, you read two or three books on personal relationships, a couple articles and you get to the second book, third article, you realize they’re all saying very much the same thing. The reason is because the universe is built on cause and effect. For every action, there’s an equal and equivalent reaction.
So, if we do the right things every day, we’re going to be successful. We can duplicate that result, but that’s not the great divide. The great divide is not the process. The great divide is in the thinking that drives the process. The great divide is in the belief structure that the man or the woman has that is either unlocking them every day so they can execute on the process and the strategy or that is stopping them. So, if a man or a woman only sees themselves and believes, I mean this respectfully, that they’re a fat slob or, “Working out is not for me,” it doesn’t matter how much process and strategy they get, they’re not going to do it.
If someone believes that, “I’m broke, I’m always going to be broke,” it doesn’t matter how much they read. It doesn’t even matter how much income they make. I’ve coached people making a half a million, $1 million, multiple million dollars a year, and virtually still have more debt than they have in terms of assets and money.
The reason is because the underpinnings, they have the strategies down, they’re even executing. But the underpinnings on financial stability, financial strength, and eventually financial independence, those beliefs are all out of whack. So, until you and I help them to see that and truly adjust to that, it doesn’t matter what strategies they’re using. They never go into use and adopt the right ones until they change your thinking.
Justin Francisco: That’s gold. I have a feeling I’m going to have to go back and listen to this a few times myself. Half of me wants to be like, “Alright, let’s start unpacking me and why I do this with my finances.” We’ll have half of a therapy session here on the podcast.
Joe Gianni: If you want the whole world to know.
Justin Francisco: Alright, extreme vulnerability, here we go. Wow. After all that, I’m like, where do we go next with this? Because that was good. That was awesome. What about in your life when you have somebody in it that, whether it’s a good friend or even possibly your significant other, or, and I’m not in this stage of life yet, but maybe a kid that’s older that just doesn’t have that. You’re that way, right? You’ve done this, you’ve went through this process and you have your right beliefs that are creating all this. They create your right actions. They can recreate your right results. What if you have somebody that is close to you that’s not at all in that mindset? How do you suggest to navigate around that? How do you suggest to be around that person instead of constantly preaching to them? Does that make sense? That seems like a difficult thing.
Joe Gianni: [00:36:20] That is one that virtually all of us, if we’re out there living life every day, we all encounter. when we encounter that with people who are two or three steps out, in other words, if I have a client and the client is really destructive, et cetera, et cetera, I have the wherewithal and the freedom to fire the client, right? Same thing with friends. You and I befriend people in life and if you really living life, you’ll befriend lots of different people.
Sometimes they’re just not good for you. They’re not healthy for you. It doesn’t mean that you’re better than them or they’re better than you. It just means that there’s not a fit. So it’s okay to extricate ourselves and step out of that. That permission and that awareness is very powerful and empowering for people to understand that we can remove people in our lives. All of us also have families and we have lots of people in our lives up could be lifelong friends and we’re having a rough patch or are struggling, et cetera or they had a few things happen to them and you really want to help them and you can’t reach them. This a common thing that all of us run into. I think that when you love people and you really love them, I think it’s even harder because you don’t want to see them in pain, and you don’t want to see them in that self-battle. So, you want to take a shortcut, especially when you have specialized knowledge. So, you want to just tell them, “Don’t think like that, think this way.”
But it doesn’t work like that. So, to answer your question, part of the key is, again, understanding that people’s behavior is if it’s destructive to themselves or the people around them, is to understand that you have to level set them. You have to kind of take them back and kind of rebuild the foundation of the house, rebuild the foundation of values and beliefs that either in their past has made them powerful and given them success in an area of life or in life, or if you and I are with somebody, and maybe it’s not a direct inner circle, but it’s someone you really care about, a really good friend. As you’ve gotten to know them more, you’ve seen that they’re being destructive in a certain area.
The key is to have our minds eye trained to be able to see that. I could try to tell them, “Don’t do it, don’t do that,” or “Stop doing that,” or whatever. Instead, I might lead a conversation around other aspects of life and help them through those conversations without even saying it, to begin to realize that they don’t quite think the same way in this area of life and they’ve been extraordinarily successful.
Maybe they can take that thinking to other areas of life. So, what I’m trying to say is that you can’t help people until they’re ready to be helped. What makes them ready is when they kind of get level set in their thoughts.
Justin Francisco: Yeah, that answers my question. I would say that even if we don’t always have to help somebody, even if we feel inclined, there’s no pressure on us. Even if you are an expert at that or whatever at one thing.
Joe Gianni: Oh, I was just going to say, for example, a lot of times, like in coaching people, people at work even, or even children, you have teen kids or kids in their 20s or maybe their 30s and you know the core of them is strong and right, if you’re in a leadership role with them, the best thing you can do is actually disengage. Not abruptly, just disengage and let them kind of be on their own for a little bit to realize that where they’re at or what they’re doing or how they’re moving is not going to give them the future that they want.
Many, many years ago, there was a movie called the “Horse Whisperer”. I don’t know if you saw it, it has Robert Redford and Scarlett Johansson, who’s famous now.
Justin Francisco: No, my wife watched it but I haven’t seen that movie.
Joe Gianni: [00:40:20] Watch that. But in the movie, he’s trying to break a horse that had a really bad accident. The horses is really dangerous. He’s beginning to train the horse to kind of level set the horse, the horse runs out into a field and it’s kicking all over the place. Very dangerous. He just stands there, and eventually he kneels and then eventually just sits there and it’s daytime and then all of a sudden it becomes nighttime and it’s middle of the night. I can’t remember if it was still in the middle of the night or it was early morning. The horse kind of begins to meander over to him and then he slowly stands up and puts his hand out and gave him a piece of grass or whatever, but the horse was calm again because he understood that the horse had to kind of get inside of its own head in order to kind of come back. So, the same is true with people.
Justin Francisco: Sometimes you take that approach or you’re disengaged and then they figure it out and eventually come back.
Joe Gianni: Especially if they were a great horse to begin with.
Justin Francisco: That’s good stuff. What was the question? Oh, I had a good question that I wanted to ask you. A lot of times I’ll have a notepad and I’ll jot my thoughts down as people are talking because you get so engaged, you know what I mean? When you’re talking to somebody, that’s gone and now you’re onto something new. You’ve been helping, coaching, teaching this stuff for how long? 30 plus years. Okay. Like I said earlier, are you still learning? Are you still a student?
Joe Gianni: [00:42:14] Oh, hell yeah. Absolutely. Just like that powerful telescope, every time I look out in the space, they realize there’s more space. They realize that there’s more questions than there is answers. The same is true when people are placed on a journey, if you will, like my mentor put me on at 21 years old, a journey of self-actualization, right? A journey to become the best that I can be in life. The interesting thing is, directly answering your question, is that every year, as much as I think I understand, with each year, I realize how much I don’t understand. So, the journey of learning for me never, ever ends. It has never ended. Some years I will tell you there’s some easier lessons than other years.
Justin Francisco: Even to this day.
Joe Gianni: We’re all human.
Justin Francisco: That’s cool. I think that’s really refreshing to hear for some people, whether you’re like 20 years old and think you know it all, or 55 years old and think you know it all, or even 70, heck, there’s always something that we can learn and continue on with our journey. That’s good stuff. Life always continues, right? We’re never done. That’s the beauty of it.
Joe Gianni: Well, you know, everything in the universe is constantly evolving, right? The world itself is on an axis. It’s always spinning and evolving. In nature, things are either growing or they’re dying. There really is no such thing as stagnation. When things in nature stop growing, they actually begin to deteriorate, wither and die. It’s the same for us in terms of our own life journey. When you and I stop learning, that’s when we begin to wither. So, learning is really, truly, the most powerful underpinning for a life well lived.
Justin Francisco: Learning can be having a conversation with somebody new, reading a couple articles, the newspaper daily, that kind of things. That includes all that stuff, whether it’s personal growth or just knowledge or whatever. That’s in the ballpark of just constantly evolving and learning. Otherwise, we’re dying, right?
Joe Gianni: That’s exactly right.
Justin Francisco: [00:44:23] Cool. Well, I’ll end with this question I have for you, if you could go back to your 18 year old self and give yourself some advice or some words of wisdom or whatever, what would you say to yourself?
Joe Gianni: Hmm, that’s an excellent question.
The first thing that comes to my mind, kind of like in a word association is patience. I would say to my 18 year old self, patience. You don’t have to have it all tomorrow, today, in any aspect of life. Things in life that truly are great are worth the wait. The reason why the patience are so important is because in order for us to really have the bigger business, in order for us to really have the bigger marriage, in order for us to have the bigger friendships, in order for us to have the bigger relationships with our children, we have to become bigger as people.
The process of becoming bigger as people is the process of becoming and that takes time. It takes time to have someone give you and I advice and then move to take that advice and trip and stumble and fall. We skin our knees a lot when we become. We make mistakes every single day, but people who are on the journey of self to become all they can be, self-actualization but to keep it simple, just all we can be, we don’t become all we can be by not stumbling and falling and tripping. The key is to be patient and to be kind with ourselves and not judge ourselves to look at these things, every single day as either we’re winning or we’re learning. Both are every bit as valuable. Some of the biggest things that you and I will find in common of the most successful people in all aspects of life, any role in life is many, many times they’ve had colossal failures, things that didn’t work out so well, but what they always have in common is they were a learner.
They didn’t judge themselves, they didn’t judge the people around them. They simply truly looked at, “What do I need to adjust? What I need to adjust to my thinking? What do I need to adjust in terms of my movement?” So, patience is the first word that comes to my mind. I think at 18, I understood the second word that comes to my mind, but I’ve come to really understand it and that was dreams. Dreams really do come true and they’re important to have them. It’s important at 18, to be a dreamer. When you meet people that tell you, “You’re just a dreamer,” your responses will be “Yes, I am. Thank you very much,” because, the 18 year old self sometimes might not really understand the value of our creative abilities, what they really are and what they really are signals off. Our creative abilities at 18, at 25 at 35 at 45, 55 is the very essence of our gift to life. You and I were given a gift, and that gift is the gift of life. But, the very essence of the gift is our power to create. You and I have the power to create, to re-imagine ourselves and who we want to be.
We have the ability to look into the future and see what we want to do, what we want to have, who we want to become. You and I also have the ability to make those dreams become reality. But, if you and I at 18 don’t understand the value of dreaming and don’t write them down and put them all down on paper and then begin to move through life through a process of goal setting, life becomes very one dimensional. Life becomes very limited. So, I think, the other advice to the 18 year old is, good for you, you have those dreams. Be more stingy in writing them all down, because life is a wonderful place, a wonderful thing, and every single day recreate and achieve even more. I think those are two big things.
Justin Francisco: Those are some of the best answers I’ve gotten from somebody when I asked that question.
Joe Gianni: I think that advising myself as an 18 year old, its not an easy thing to give advice to a young person because they haven’t had enough life experience. My mentor used to say to me all the time, “Patience, Joe, be patient,” or at other times he’d say, “You’re the most impatient person I’ve ever met,” because I was so goal directed and so driven. So, I think that’s why those words come to mind.
Justin Francisco: [00:49:17] Well, you think at 18 it’s tough because your mind’s in a different place. But, if you were that 18 year old that picked up a book and it said a few things in it that really resonated with you, you said it perfectly. That was great. That was awesome to hear. I like that. I think I’ll tell my 35 year old self that. Well, there we go. Thank you. Thanks Sean, appreciate it.
*Episode transcription edited for clarity
Check Out Justin’s Podcast, “Mindful Impact” to discover how to be the most impactful spouse, parent and leader you are destined to be. A new expert guest will be on every Monday to discuss topics around mindfulness and family and leadership. This podcast is perfect for anyone and all ages. Every Friday will be my five minute reflection Fridays. Please review and rate anywhere you listen.
00:17- Intro And How Joe Starts His Day
04:29- Yearly Goals
08:38- How To Make Goals A Priority
16:23- Big Person, Bigger Person
25:30- Individual Development Plans
27:22- Consciously Motivated
31:18- Finding The Right Way To Look At Success
36:17- Being Helpful Vs. Preaching
40:17- “Breaking The Horse”
42:11- Always A Student
44:20- Joe’s Advice To His 18 Year Old Self